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Well, maybe the last 40 years were not wasted ... ;)
There's no doubt that a combination of collecting and field observations is the best way to get an feeling for these flies.
The first thing that struck me about the top photo was that it was sitting just like Stomoxys, so even if I can't see the key characters, I can be fairly sure where to start looking in the keys.
It helps enormously to have a site like Diptera.info (we can't thank you enough, Paul! B)) because the quality of the photos, and the wealth of experience in the responses, is outstanding. I try to follow all the threads, not just because of the information about flies and hints on how to identify them, but also because the friendly helpful replies and the (international) sense of humour give me hope that humans are not so bad after all. If only everyone studied Diptera - the world would be a far, far better place! :D